UPDATE 2/16/2008
It has been almost a year since Don died and I found myself thinking of
him tonight so I thought I would make an update here. What surprises me
is that this site averages about 40 unique visitors a month. Not much for
a website in general but I am happy to know they visit this site. I hope
they see the slideshow that I created in his memory as well. Don always
wanted a website and this is the last thing I could give him. It is a gift
to him that I wish I never had to give.
My friend AC and I put a lot of work into it. It was very difficult for
me to do at the time. I created the slideshow between his passing and his
memorial service. That was about 2 weeks overall. If I remember correctly
the site was created shortly after that and I want to thank AC for all his
help. Due to the cost of burial and the fact that he looked so bad when
he died, Don was cremated and we had a memorial service. My thought was
to make a slideshow to be shown at his service and then put up a site in
his memory.
Emotionally, it was impossible. During the development of the slideshow
I had to watch it about 50 times as it was developed. I swore I would not
cry while doing it and I kept that promise to myself until about view #48
when it was all together and I was just working out the kinks in the final
version. 49 and 50 had the same effect. While I still see the flaws in it,
I doubt others will. Even so, one has to take it for what it is, a love
letter of sorts from a brother who still gets teary eyed at the though him.
I hope that one of these days I will find the time to tell you more about
him and the relationship we had but that will have to wait.
In a lot of ways life seems to be a little simpler without having to worry about him but I would trade that comfort to see him smile just one more time. In some ways I wish I had been closer to him near the end of his life. I had to put some distance between us for the well being of my family and for myself. I know that was the right decision and when I discussed that with Don he said I was doing the right thing and that if he had kids, he would do the same. He wouldn't want them around a guy like him. He knew it wasn't good for them.
Don was well cared for, as well as most families could do given the circumstances, and knowing that comforts me. He didn’t die alone and we all saw him in the days before his death. Yet as I sit here in my office, I wish the door in the next room would open and that friendly “Hello” would echo to my ear once again and his cheerful grin would meet my eye.
Tonight as I sit here alone thinking of him, I miss my brother and that’s all I really care about at the moment.
Original content below.
This site is dedicated to the memory of my only brother Don. He passed away
3-15-2007 at the age of 50. He died, like so many other do, from liver and
kidney failure caused by alcoholism. Alcoholism runs in our family, my father
was an alcoholic too. He was sober the last 25 years of his life and an
active member of AA. There have been others in the family that have suffered
in the same way. Thankfully, none of the other kids in our immediate family
has suffered from this addiction.
While Don had many girlfriends, he never married. As you can imagine, he
led a somewhat unstable life. He was however, the type of person that people
just loved. He was a very funny guy, kind and giving. He did have his unpleasant
moments, like we all do, but those moments were fueled by his addiction
and must be forgiven. I had the chance to spend some time with him a couple
of years ago when he was sober. It was good one on one time. He was what
you would call normal. He thought straight and we had many good conversations.
It is one of my favorite memories of his time here.
If you have stumbled in here, and don’t know the family, I want to make
it clear that Don was offered help throughout his life. Our family went
to great lengths for him and offered him help in every way possible. In
fact, at times, it was forced on him. He was in rehab many times but one
has to want to be there or it is not going to work. Don never wanted to
be there.
I created the slide show to be shown at his memorial service. I have added
a link to it here for those who would like to see it. It runs about 12 minutes
and is comprised 3 songs and of photos that were scanned or converted from
slides. There are only a few digital images of him and they are at the end
of the slide show. The songs are Return To Pooh Corner by Kenny Loggins,
I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me and Shout To The Lord by Darlene Zschech.
I do caution that if you choose to view it, there is a good change that
you will not have dry eyes when you are done. There are men and women that
have wept after viewing it that didn't even know Don. Some have had similar
experiences with their loved ones and it has touched them.
If you have a family member that is addicted, do your everything you can
to get them help but remember, this is a disease, and we are not doctors.
We can’t save them either, that’s God’s job.
Jim link
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